Genre: Urban, Slice of Life
“Sweet ma’am, 10 Rupees please, I’m hungry.” He tapped the car’s window till the traffic signal turned green.
“Not so sweet ma’am, eh?” Latika teased as he ran back to the footpath amidst traffic.
“She was a fat whore! I made no money today.” He lit a beedi and sat next to her.
“I made a good deal. Bunch of guys liked my gymnastics; gave me 100 Rupees. We can split it” She said, taking the beedi from him.
“Horny bastards! They touched you?” He asked.
She took a long drag of the beedi. “Only with their eyes.”
………..……………….
98 words for Friday Fictioneers this week.
For the uninitiated, in case you are wondering what is going on here, read on. Friday Fictioneers is an excellent forum for people looking to have fun as they learn the nuances of writing. Every Friday a bunch of us write 100 words (no hard rules there) for prompts posted by Rochelle who runs the show.
This week’s prompt comes from Claire Fuller. Amazing art form, there is so much said in it, that words fall short. I felt a strong connection with the prompt the moment I saw it. But my heart sank at the same time, wondering what I would be doing with it!
I tried to write something different, something more real than fiction, at least in the part of the world I come from. Beggars are very common in India, and while it is very easy to feel sorry for the downtrodden, things are never as simple as they look. Nothing is black and white, only grey and greyer. The story alludes to the prompt, albeit vaguely. Not sure if anyone else would feel the connection too.
The Prompt:
Copyright – Claire Fuller
Shorter way to get to the other stories:
Certainly different. A nicely written story.
Thanks! Glad you liked it
Excellent Parul; that last line is so full of … I don’t know the word for it.
Thanks Sandra. Leaving you without words, I take it as a huge compliment!
I liked this a lot, Parul. You really gave your characters life! I can’t explain the connection between the sculpture and the story, but I get it. It’s almost like these two (in sculpture and in story) are bound to one another in some raw, imperfect, yet somehow wistful, way…
Thanks Lisa. I couldn’t have done a better job at explaining the connection.
I am glad you could see it too!
Your title tells it all–good story.
Thanks VB.
An amazing story describing the symbiotic relationship between the two young souls depicted in an amazing sculpture. Very poignant ring of truth in this story.
Thanks Jan, for the lovely comment too.
Great story .. I used to smoke beedees when young, a few times! Your last paragraph in your explanation was a gem, yes, everything is grey and greyer. I do know what you mean. I could swear you wrote your story with a feather, by the way. Not the nib, the plume..so subtle and delicate was your touch, and ideas. And that is true.
That’s very humbling and encouraging. Thanks for the lovely comment!
this is truth. I can feel it in your words. I like your take on the prompt.
Thanks, it is only part truth sadly. The truth is a lot more complicated, involving a lot of variables and equations.
I think what I was trying to convey is that I could see your heart in your work. The piece rang very true. and a reader appreciates that.
Hi Parul — I read this over several times, just to feel it. I really feel this one of your best.
That means a lot. Thanks for the kind words.
Thanks Parul — is that you bicycling ?
Yes, that’s me.
brilliant story, Parul! harsh reality. and i love that last line “Only with their eyes”. ^^ my aunt used to tell me how to deal with men’s lecherous looks. she simply said, “they can look. but it’s not like they an take it.” LOL such a unique and great take on the prompt.
That’s a good way of dealing with the “eyes”.
Thanks for stopping by!
A very different take! Very good!
Thanks. Looking forward to something from you this week
Good! Very very good!
Thanks for reading and your kind comment.
I meant it, so was easy to say!
Yeah, i love reading your site Keep posting!
A very beautiful story, and I certainly saw the connection between the couple and my sculpture. They’re both looking after each other without saying so – she with sharing her money, he with worrying about that the men have touched her. Lovely.
I didn’t get the connection but was so immersed in the story that I forgot all about that old statue! Connections are personal so we won’t all see the same thing and that’s the beauty of FF
Really loved this story – I thought your writing was wonderful.
Dear Parul,
As I’ve said on numerous occasions. The prompt is the jumping off point. Whether you use it as an illustration or a faint inspiration is up to the author.
I said that to say how much I love your story. A slice of urban life that most of don’t see. Thanks for giving me a glimpse of a world far from my own. Nice job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Parul,
This is it!
This is your strength!
This is the world you can share that half of your audience will never see.
I absolutely loved this story, totally got the connection to the prompt and applaud your writing throughout.
Can’t say enough about this, Parul. Wow.
Aloha,
Doug
You brought your special ooint of view and experience to this story, which is why it’s so powerful. Our younger daughter told us about the beggars in India and I remember my first experience with them in Ireland back in the 70′s, not a comfortable experience. In Chicago, there are homeless people begging in many places but they don’t do anything but hold out cups.
janet
Parul, this is so uniquely written. In my country, you see families out on the street begging. And you have captured this so beautifully. well done. http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/fridayfictioneers-janus
This is a story to carry within you a long time. And there are so many layers and possibilities here. I love this story (or piece of reality)
This felt very real. I enjoyed it immensely. Thank you for the view into another world
Not sure who they are, but they’re certainly bound together as one while being totally different as well. Interesting work.
I love these characters. They are both so full of life despite their circumstances. Very well drawn. I know this was a change for you, but have you got plans to develop their story/ use them again?
This is brilliant!!! I so get it
I got it, but I didn’t know that I got it until you explained it.
Very original take on the story, but I can see the connection! And of course those men would touch a statue with their eyes, that fits. Good job.
Bridge Over Troubled Water: He ain’t heavy, he’s her brother/lover/boyfriend. She will comfort him. She’s on his side. When he needs a friend. She will lay herself down.And vice versa.
First one I’ve seen like this. Nice job.
I’m glad I dropped in.
Well done!
I have just seen my name in another story. Let me get to it
Unique use of the prompt, P. I liked how you did not identify the connection to the two beggars. I can form my own idea… young kids, not lovers, not related, just friends, maybe living on the street, maybe not. Your words did not fall short.