Tags
100 Words, comedy, Creative, drama, Fiction, Friday Fictioneers, gay, Love, romance, romcom, Short Story, Writing
Genre: RomCom, Drama (I guess)
I bought it from a scrap dealer and we built it together. Steve and I…
Steve, my Stevie… He told me he was ready to come out in the open…
Stevie promised while I stared into his hazel green eyes.
Stevie drove while I dreamed of us together.
Stevie lied while I paid his bills.
I saw him with a woman last night. He looked through me.
I ripped the board we had so lovingly put next to the driver’s seat – more women revealed themselves. Women! Liar.
Liar… LIAR! I know he loves me, the coward.
……………………………
96 words for Friday Fictioneers this week.
For the uninitiated, in case you are wondering what is going on here, read on. Friday Fictioneers is an excellent forum for people looking to have fun as they learn the nuances of writing. Every Friday a bunch of us write 100 words (no hard rules there) for prompts posted by Rochelle who runs the show.
This week’s photo prompt is provided by Beth Carter. I just love this prompt. I can’t tell enough how much. I had so many ideas looking at it, I will keep thinking about it for a long time!
The Prompt:
Copyright – Beth Carter
My story this week is as inspired by the prompt as it is (strangely) by the following song:
Quicker way to reach other stories:
I see that you’re being more experimentative
thanks for noticing!
this was fun
must ask, who is Ron? maybe this is a continuation from another story? in any case, i did feel the drama in your writing. just wondering what will happen next…:)
Ron, Steve and Ray are mentioned in the prompt. I just made Ray the MC and used the other two characters in the story. No other history… I am wondering how it could have been made clearer. Hmm..
Thanks for stopping by!
you’re welcome. maybe the name Ray can be omitted? just wondering because the story seems to be mainly with the other two characters, right? maybe your other readers will have better insight. thanks for clarifying. appreciate it.
I agree, was thinking on the same lines.
I will remove it. Save on a word too
Thanks
glad you took the time!
Thanks
you’re welcome.
Done!
Paul, I’m not sure what you story was with the Ron character. but I agree you do not need him. I can’t believe this prompt was used for RomCom. Great job.
Ron was mentioned only once as one of the persons who built the car with Steve and the main character. Two could have made the car just as fine, so Ron was fired. Sunshine seemed to agree.
A great take on the prompt, and nicely done. I liked this.
Thanks Sandra. Glad you made it!
Fascinating…too clever for me! Just not sure who the narrator is…enjoyable ..though..
The narrator’s homosexual. He liked the guy, Steve who lied about his orientation for benefits like a free car, bill payments etc. The narrator is in sort of a denial.
Maybe I should have dropped more hints to make it more understandable.
Thanks for stopping by and reading and commenting!
Great writing. Nice and subtle. It took me a little while to realise the narrator was a man – but the word ‘women!’ worked well there. I really enjoyed this.
Glad you got it!
Thanks for stopping by
It was clear to me who the people were and what was going on. I got it with “coming out in the open.”
I think that maybe you want “He looked through me” which could imply being ignored, while “He saw through me” means seeing what someone really means or what they’re really up to.
janet
Hey, thanks a lot for pointing it out.
Changing it right away. Glad you spent the time to identify and point it out!
Ron and Ray had scarpered from the story by the time I got to read it. Then I didn’t get it until I read some other comments. That is my fault. Tunnel vision. I enjoyed how you enabled me to have a different – my – interpretation. I thought, that girl is kidding herself if she thinks this Stevie loves her! But denial happens. I enjoyed the song. I thought of another: I’m Not In Love, by Chris De Burgh. Resistance is futile, as the Borg lady would say!
Thanks Ann.
Ron and Ray were part of the prompt. I tried to do something clever with them, but couldn’t pull it off.
All that you interpreted was in line with what I intended, except the gender of the protagonist. But that’s expected cos I was trying to be subtle. There’s always that risk with that sort of writing.
Thanks for taking time out for this
I thought it was a woman, too, since Ray was no longer mentioned. Whatever the sex, it’s a great take on the prompt. Your dialogue and build-up were really good. Glad you enjoyed the photo. I see something new everytime I look at it. You should see it as an 8″ x 10″. I wish I could show everyone the outside of it as well.
Would be great if you have some pics of the outside as well!
I loved this prompt, thanks for the photo!
Now that I reread it, it’s as plain as day, especially since you have “women” in italics. Loved the line: “Stevie lied while I paid his bills.” Classic.
This is possibly my favorite submissions thus far for this week – albeit heartbreaking, wonderfully done!
Wow, that feels great!
Thanks a lot!
Betrayal indeed.. Wonderful storytelling.
Thanks Bjorn
Hmmmm…damn women.
haha, thanks for stopping by!
Stevie lied while I paid his bills. oh man! lol well i guess maybe he likes to swing both ways
good story
maybe..
thanks
Dear Parul,
Your protagonist is something of an optimist, yes? Think I’d seriously reconsider the relationship. Nice writing this week.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle.
Either an optimist or plain deluded by denial – but he is something!
great story. Amazing to me how a writer can steer us in one direction, and then, with words, turn us around (thinking woman, then realizing man). You did a nice job of that in this piece.
Thanks a lot. Glad it worked for you
This was different, P. Very subtle. The ‘open’ kind of tipped me off. When Stevie saw right through him… that was sad. Big kudos.
Thanks Ted… I did try to drop a few hints – in the title and the story.
Glad you picked ‘em up!
I tried something outside my comfort zone. Need to try horror and historical fiction next.
well done. help me with this line: “he was ready to come out in the open…” i’m not quite sure what he was coming out in the open with. but maybe we’re not supposed to know, completely.
oh, closet love story i guess means “out of the closet,”
yes, you got it right.
It’s basically a gay love story of sorts.
Hi Parul — I liked how the story moved from happiness to anger and despair. That was a good run through an emotional wringer.
Thanks. I wanted to try something different.
This was so interesting..!
The suggestion that Stevie is a coward was intriguing. The narrator is heartbroken by Stevie’s possible attraction to women. Is he attracted sincerely? Or is he really a coward, choosing to live in denial?
I can see this taking place in life. It must be a very difficult life circumstance for some.
Well done…
I think the protagonist is angry and heartbroken.
Perhaps Steve was just using him for money and was never really interested in men, but the protagonist doesn’t want to accept that fact, or it could be that Steve is too shy to come out in the public about his true orientation.
I am not quite sure to be honest
this was a good one..and the title kind of hinted that both were men..well written
Thanks… yeah, the title was aiming at hinting the content of the story
Great take on the prompt. Well done for doing something a little different. I can just imagine Steve with a woman on his arm looking through his previous partner – dishonest man that he is.
I got it on the first read, possibly because I have a gay daughter. This was extremely creative and very well written.