Solitude

“It’s difficult to be what you want to be… especially when you don’t know for sure what you want”

“It’s harder when you want to become what you can’t”

“Oh come on! There’s no ‘can’t’ that can’t be done”

“And who put that idea in your head?” I asked her, amused by the force with which she made her disagreement. I had seen her grow into the wise young girl the world knew her as, from a rebellious tomboy of a kid. The fact that she was like me in a lot more ways than could be pointed out was not hidden from either of us.

I knew the answer to my question. And I could hear it in my head as she frowned, struggling with words, deep in thoughts, not to find the answer but the right words to wrap it in.

“It’s right to an extent, what you just said”, I said to her. I could see that she was not listening… still upset with herself for not finding the words to express what she so strongly felt. “It holds true for people who are willing to try what they want. Not everybody’ wants’ to do that”, I continued. She acquiesced quietly – a trait I could never understand. She agreed to almost everything. And what that made her carry was the burden of her own convictions and beliefs in the form of confused, muffled questions. Was I responsible for it?, I wondered at times… Maybe in a way I was… with my sense of right and wrong, inflexible and mundane ideas about limits and boundaries, I had been a big influence in her being. It hurt me to see her submitting quietly to contradicting views. And I knew it bothered her too. But she was too proud to make it known… and too gullible to stand rooted with her own ideas.

“I know you don’t agree with me on this… why can’t you just say as much… no questions asked!” She looked at me quizzically wondering how much more I knew about her… she opened her mouth to speak but a knock at the door interrupted our little conversation.

“Hey! You’ve been locked in there long! Any plans for dinner?”

“In a minute!”, she called back, as I quietly proceeded into the oblivion of her reflections.

——————————–

Inspired from a small conversation of two kids I happened to overhear.

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7 thoughts on “Solitude

  1. One may know for sure what one wants and one also knows that one can but there is still a can’t that one needs to overcome….
    can’t persist, can’t persevere.

    I have seen people with clear minds of what they wanna be and a confidence that they have the capability but they could not because they just gave up the pursuit when it was just about to end in their favour.

    In my limited experience I have learnt a few philosophical things and one of them is:
    carry one “can’t” with you always and that is….
    “Can’t give up”

  2. @Harshit
    Thanks 🙂

    @Tejbir
    Dude!!! Need I remind you the link to your blog?! It’s feeling plain ignored and cheated… I don’t think it’ll let you login next time you try! 😛

    And well said… Nice cleverly put sentences… But I have my reservations.. It’s great if you believe in them though… 🙂

    @Surya
    Thanks!

  3. just read the post again and wondered if the two kids are one!
    the post title and the last line make me wonder so or am i reading “too much” between the lines 😛

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