The Real Thing

“Watch”, he said and poured the fluid in a funnel.

As the last drop left the funnel, the slit in the metal box placed under it shut and the box’s walls began to compress. When it seemed the box would deform beyond repair, it fell apart like a sheet. At its center laid a perfect looking ruby.

He kneeled and offered the stone to her as if holding a ring, ‘Will you marry me?’

“Oh Romeo…” She bent and whispered in his ear, “You need the real thing with me”.

“Here,” he whispered back in her ear, “give these samples to your boss. He needs to decide fast”.

……………………………

Friday Flash fiction for Madison’s photo prompt!

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38 thoughts on “The Real Thing

    1. Really?
      So you mean this needs more work? Should I have stuck to one theme – love story/mystery?

      The boss was intended as some man dealing with unlawful activities related to fake gems. The main guy in the story was the one selling such gems and the girl was his link to the boss. He was sending some samples across through her. In fact, I intended it to be mild flirting between two strangers. Guess the setup had to be modified to make these details clearer…
      Thanks for the feedback. Will note it down for next time! 🙂

      1. Dear Parul,

        Me not understanding the subtle warp and woof of your 100 word tapestry should not alarm you. My brain is sometimes fuzzy up here and there’s no telling what synapses will fire astray.

        With your explanation I can see the flirting now and follow the story completely. I don’t think you need change a thing. Just send me oxygen.

        Aloha,

        Doug

  1. Well until I read your feedback I was going for hopeless romantic and his girl worked for a jeweler. I truly wish there wan’t such a limit but then it would not be flash fiction would it?

    If that was not where you were going, too bad, that’s where I went and I liked it. LOL. I want to know what happens next.

    1. That’s an interesting interpretation too!
      I thought the fact that he made a stone from a fluid indicated it was fake.
      I am tempted to expand this too! Who knows, I might! 🙂

      Thanks!

    1. I don’t know for sure how they make the fake ones… just that there’s high pressure and temperature involved… I cooked up something with that info!
      And of course, girls don’t like fake gems! 😀

  2. This wonderful little romantic-mystery left me hanging and wanting more. So he’s making samples of fake gems (rubies) and what does the boss need to decide fast? Whether they will pass as real and good enough to fence on the black market? Wonderful imagination on your part. Good work, Parul. PS: Tks. for stopping by and commenting on mine. See you next week.

  3. Hee! I love it! A Juliet who wants more than the love of her Romeo. She also wants REAL rubies. I love the twist. Plus, an illegal gem ring. What a great story. You could extend this into a twist on the whole Romeo and Juliet play inserting all the original characters into new (ish) roles. I would SO read that.

    1. I thought I would mention, I found your story from Madison’s photo prompt… after wending my way thru a few blogs… I don’t remember how I found Madison though. Anyway, well done… I’m going to explore your posts now.

      1. Thanks Ted!
        And thanks for running into me!
        Welcome aboard..
        Try the Friday flash fiction if you haven’t yet… Madison is the stalwart!

        Am off to your blog now!

        Parul

    1. That’s disheartening to know that the story was not clear without the explanation… Hopefully next attempt at 100 words would be better!

      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. I really liked the way the story drew me in. It was almost like alchemy. Then it shifted to a love story. I’m glad Juliet demanded the real thing. Shows real character on her part. I didn’t get the ending until I read your comments, but I think it’s amazing to tell this multi-level story in so few words.

  5. Thanks! 🙂
    Glad you liked it… I should have worked on the ending..
    I learn with every attempt and from all the feedbacks I get here.
    Hopefully the next attempt will be better!

    Parul

  6. HI Parul, I liked the setup and the way the fake gems were created, very effective visual there. I agree on tightening up the end, but it does stand up really well and I enjoyed this. It could definitely be turned into full length caper! That’s the thing about the 100 word challenges, you end up with more ideas champing at the bit to get developed. Good or bad? I simply think it’s encouraging that the mind comes up with ideas all the time, on the slightest hint of a possible story.

    So, in short, I really liked this piece and its sly twist on Romeo and Juliet. :-)!

    1. Thanks Joanna!
      I agree with you. 100 words is a great exercise to churn out good ideas and improvise on them to keep up with the limit. I think the whole process not just helps trimming the unnecessary words, it also improves the whole story writing thought process eventually. I can feel the difference in me…

      The end of my story needed more work as almost everyone pointed out. Hopefully I will get better next time! 🙂

  7. a) MAGIC???
    b) Was it a proposal, or did it just look like one.
    c) Kinda curious as to why the ruby (I don’t know why I kept reading ‘pearl’. Probably because of the somewhat confusing transformation/reveal) needs to be shown to the boss, or what the scene’s actually about.

    But hey, good job.

    1. a) Not magic really, just a breakthrough machinery.
      b) It was a mock proposal
      c) It’s a fake ruby and the boss will bulk order if he likes the samples. It’s all illegal work happening here.

      thanks.

  8. I sense skulduggery afoot (side note, that sentence was a lot of fun to write)! Maybe I’m projecting, but I get a very noirish feel here. I can almost hear the woman’s dialogue being spoken by Lauren Bacall.

Would love to hear what you have to say about this! :)

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