The Dark Tunnel

“Moe said that whoever goes inside that tunnel never comes back. Cave people live there. They eat men alive”, Rick said to Jake as they came near the tunnel.

“I don’t believe Moe. He is a bully and he loves to scare junior wing kids. I am going in”, Jake was adamant.

“Okay… I think I will wait here”, replied Rick.

Jake sprinted into the tunnel.

A horrid cry of help broke the silence of the place. Rick ran away crying aloud.

“Next I’ll tell him you are a ghost”, Moe said to Jake in the tunnel doubling with laughter.

PS: To avoid confusion, Matt has been rechristened as Rick. Thanks Elmowrites for the concrit!:)

………………………..

100 word story for Madison’s Friday prompt.

42 thoughts on “The Dark Tunnel

  1. my favorite short stories are the ones that lead us into a room decorated in a certain way, and at the other end of the room is a closet. and by the time we get allll the way across the room and open that closet, something in there makes us realize that we were not in the room we thought it was. by the time we turn around, look at those decorations from the other side of the room, we then realize it was all a facade, but a legitimate facade. thanks miss!

    1. Thanks.. A lot of these twists came by as I was writing the story.. I had set out to write something else. Glad you liked it. Am off to yours now.

  2. Dear Parul,

    Whence cometh evil? The mind of a boy or boys? It’s a strange world and your story illuminates more than perhaps even you intended.

    Thanks for your comments on mine.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  3. From the start and Jake’s cry, I actually thought there were cave people or creatures, but what a great ending. A much lighter story compared to some of the others with a darker edge.

    1. Thanks Lora!
      I have been Matt plenty times in my life.. Boys can be mean sometimes!:)
      I have been to your post before.. I think my comment is awaiting moderation..:)

  4. oh boys! You give us a sense of the fear and then break it beautifully with the boys’ laughter. I feel like Matt will – unfairly treated – but for me it only makes me admire your writing. Well done.
    Two tiny concrits – I’d suggest you change Moe or Matt’s name so they are less similar to the casual reader. Initial letters have a remarkable effect and I think you need to make it clear that we have three boys here, straight away. Secondly, your dialogue could benefit from contractions – I’d instead of I would etc.
    but these are tiny things and for the most part I thought this story was really well-wrought. nice one!
    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/

      1. You’re welcome. I always appreciate constructive suggestions so I endeavour to give them too. I hope you don’t mind!
        The initial letters thing is really interesting actually (or maybe I’m just a bit odd!), because you would think we would read the whole name, or at least get a “feel” for it (Matt suggests quite a different character background from Moe) but somehow our brains short-cut it and tend to see only “M” when we’re reading. I read an article on this once but I can’t remember where or I’d link it for you.

      2. I don’t mind at all! Anything that helps me improve is more than welcome!

        Your input on the initial letters of names of characters makes a lot of sense… In fact, there have been times when I have myself gotten confused between names of people or places because of same initials while reading a novel… Thanks for taking time out for explaining this!:)

  5. Have to say, I’m very impressed by my namesake here. A boy after my own heart!

    This reminds me of a show I watched years ago called Scariest Places on Earth, appropriately hosted by Linda Blair. One episode featured the Bunny Man Bridge, and involved a clearly petrified teenage girl being made to walk into the tunnel while chanting, “Bunny Man! Bunny Man! Bunny Man!” Not long after she ran screaming from… well, her own imagination, presumably. I have have to admit, I was not impressed by the segment. Maybe that’s because it’s hard to take seriously a ghost called Bunny Man. As an aside, while researching Bunny Man, I came across this. I now take him even less seriously.

    1. Bunny Man is upto some funny business! lol!
      The second video is hilarious!
      My cave men are real dangerous though! But they are noble men unlike the current perception.
      If I ever write a sequel to this story… I will have my cave men come to the rescue of poor Rick and teach Jake and Moe a lesson!😉

      And I hope you are much better than the Jake in the tunnel with Moe!

  6. Moe is a joker! If he were in my book, though, he’d sure get a taste of his own medicine, hahahaha. Good one Parul, I enjoyed that.

Would love to hear what you have to say about this! :)

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