The New Guy

Genre: Drama?

He was coming over the first time. She baked pasta, set the table, put out the wine glasses, remembered his alcoholic past and put them away.

………………………

He dressed in his best shirt, put cologne, checked his breath, stepped out of the house, went back in, took a gulp of vodka and got out again. She had invited him over the first time.

………………………

She smelled alcohol when he kissed her, insisted on taking the food to the porch. He blabbered all evening; every move exaggerated. She stared at the lanterns on the table, mulling if it would come to that.

…………………………………………

99 words for Friday Fictioneers this week.

For the uninitiated, in case you are wondering what is going on here, read on. Friday Fictioneers is an excellent forum for people looking to have fun as they learn the nuances of writing. Every Friday a bunch of us write 100 words (no hard rules there) for prompts posted by Rochelle who runs the show.

This week’s photo prompt comes from Rochelle herself:

A quicker way of reading more stories:


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68 thoughts on “The New Guy

  1. I like that. A great story of a first meeting.

    I only have one suggestion. In the second paragraph, you use the word “got” three times in one sentence.

    1. I read it again. You are right! Is it bothersome?
      How does this read:
      He dressed in his best shirt, put cologne, checked his breath, stepped out of the house, went back in, took a gulp of vodka and got out again. She had invited him over the first time.?

  2. You conveyed the angst of a first date or meeting at one person’s home. I’m curious what “that” is in “if it would come to that.” I know it’s unlikely to be good, but with the lanterns involved, burning of some sort comes to mind. Good job of switching characters.

    janet

    1. She has sort of freaked out having him turn up in an inebriated state and is bracing herself for the worst and just making mitigation plans if it comes to that..
      I don’t know.. Is it confusing? Needs rephrasing?
      Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

      1. “Mulling if it would come to that” coming right after looking at the lanterns made them sound connected to me. “That” doesn’t have anything to which to refer, although I got the idea that she was wondering whether she’d have to dump him. “Wondering if it would have to end?” “Mulling if it were already over?”

        The rest of the story is very clear, just this last phrase isn’t. Does that make sense?

        janet

  3. Not got off to a very good start here has he? I liked the structure of this, what she did, what he did, what she did. Very effective. Well done.

    1. She is thinking the worse.. I guess everyone is more paranoid at the start of a relationship.. Given the guy’s alcoholic past she does have some justified reasons supporting her fears.
      Thanks for coming over and commenting

  4. I was thinking she could always whack him with one of the unseen unlit lanterns.
    Or just suggest she call a cab to get him home.

    Nice.
    Thanks for stopping by…I hope I fixed the link for you.

    1. Yes! The link worked.
      You guys are doing an ace job! I enjoyed the series.
      His fate depends on his actions I guess 🙂
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting

    1. Is the ending not clear? Should I rephrase?
      She is just fearing he might get violent or out of control given that he has an alcoholic past and has turned up slightly drunk.. Unfounded fears perhaps but she wants to be prepared.. So she is contemplating that the oil lamps could be used for self defence..

  5. You nicely build suspense in a subtle way here with references to his alcoholic past and him drinking the vodka. His blabbering exaggerated moves also rings true to me with this being their first time at her place and him being nervous. Nicely crafted story.

  6. Hi Parul,
    I can really sense her disappointment, and there’s just a hint of desperation and fear that reallly creates sympathy for your character. Good premise for an engaging story. Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. Ron

  7. Seems like there’s a lot more going on under this story; I’m sorry you didn’t have more space to share it with us. Tiny concrit, does “put cologne” make sense?

  8. I liked the back and forth a lot, and the little hints of tension you left along the way. The bit of mystery at the end, what “that” refers to, also was interesting – I think I get the idea without being bashed over the head with it

Would love to hear what you have to say about this! :)

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