The Quiet Grumbler (Voice 3 of 5)

There comes the little lassie.

A 3$ cappuccino and takes the table with the best view for hours at end. Never tips, never returns a smile, and never even looks up from her little notebook to enjoy the view! Such mousie handwriting, I write better when I can barely write.

No such policy to ask her away the owner says. I say, we make one overnight. She and her likes will drive us out of business!

“Can I have a small cappuccino, please?”

Sure you can. I have no say in the matter.

I should change my job.


98 Words

This is my third entry for Voice Week 2014.

Voice week is a writing challenge hosted by Stephanie of BekindRewrite to experiment with different voices.

There will be 5 installments coming, one each day, from Sep 22nd to Sep 27th.

Previous Voices:

Voice 1

Voice 2

27 thoughts on “The Quiet Grumbler (Voice 3 of 5)

  1. I like the snarkiness of this voice! I can’t get my head around the phraseology, though. Maybe that’s because I’m not familiar with the dialect. What dialect is it?
    Also, was changing “on” to “at” in “hours at end” a cue to the dialect?

      1. Hmm. Are you a very visual person? The cues from the lack of punctuation, added to what you just said, make me see this more as a word-picture than a sound-picture.

        Still, it bothers me that I can’t hear this person.

      2. I felt this voice could have been done in a better way after I mulled over this post. I could have outlined the subtleties a little better. But well, we live and learn. 🙂

        Thanks for stopping by, nevertheless 🙂

      3. Almost any piece of writing could always be better, but we have to let them loose at some point. 🙂
        Besides, I think the emotions and thoughts of this character come through very well, and that is the most important thing.

    1. bitter, angry yes.. jealous cos she can’t write… interesting thought… I didn’t have it in my mind when I was writing this, but it very well could be!

  2. Hmm…I can only wonder how many people we writers irk like this. Great piece, I just wish it were a bit longer in order to fully do justice to the person’s thoughts.

    1. Thanks Evan. 100 words are a little restrictive, you are right…
      but I have been writing 100 word stories for so long now that anything longer is a tall task for me! (I should break out of this habit).
      Thanks for stopping by!

  3. What’s the beef with him? She clearly needs a lovely place to sit-down and write. lol You have captured a great voice, he sounded like an older, disgruntled chap. Really fun reading this voice.

Would love to hear what you have to say about this! :)

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