Moments Gone and Past…

I took a silent walk amidst the chatter of strangers to go back to a time and place that was untouched by everything that surrounded me. I walked through the deserted alleyways while staring into the eyes of the stranger talking to me, nodding here and there, just enough to pretend I was listening.

This was the exact place where I had saved a beautiful memory of a dear friend once. But it’s all gone now. What’s left is a haunting swamp ready to drown me if I stay long enough. Have to get out, can’t come here again.

……………………………………

Another 100 word story for Madison’s Friday photo prompt:

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40 thoughts on “Moments Gone and Past…

  1. Hi Parul,
    Really like that much of your story is taking place inside your character’s head, at least if I’m reading it right. There’s a palpable sense of loss of a connection to something important from the past. Nicely written.
    Here’s mine: bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

  2. Hi Parul, that was really good, really very profound.
    Having said that, I’m going to look at it with an editor’s eye and say there are three words that are unnecessary. “Currently”: it is understood that we are in the present tense and there is something slightly jarring, academic sounding, in that word. “Deserted” is in conflict with simultaneously listening to mindless chatter from a stranger. In fact, the “deserted alleyways” is difficult to envision leading to a swamp. Perhaps something like “I walked along garden paths, staring…” Lastly and fairly unimportant, “once” is also unnecessary for the meaning and is a minor disruption in the flow of the language.
    I think your story stands out amongst the others this week, so I offer these slight editorial revisions with admiration.

    1. Hey Carlos… Am at work.. so will give a more detailed attention to your comment later… on a quick note though, “deserted alleyways” in his mind is what I meant… all the walking, wandering etc is happening in the mind…
      or maybe you got that and are making some other point… Perhaps I need to read your comment again. Couldn’t resist replying…
      and you said this stands out this week? Glad to know you feel like that. Made me very happy!

      Parul

    2. Thanks Carlos… I agree with your observations about ‘currently’.. Off it will go when I edit this.. I dont remember the placing of ‘once’ in my post.. will have to read the post again.. thanks a lot for the feedback, really appreciate it!
      And thanks for the awesome compliment! You made my week! 🙂

  3. That was a beautiful piece, Parul. I have to add one tiny critique. I agree with Carlos that the word “currently” jars against the flow of your language – and is actually unnecessary. Take it out and what is left is gorgeous.

  4. Lovely piece–I especially liked the “drowning, if lingers too long–must not return.” Many times we “bog down” because we linger or re-visit hurts, disappointments, etc. instead of moving on. Good job–nicely written.

  5. Dear Parul,

    I’m with Carlos on the ‘currently’ bus, but more importantly, I’m with him in his assessment of your story as a standout this week. Well written and beautiful to read.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    1. Thanks Doug. That’s a big compliment! 🙂
      I debated over the word ‘currently’ a long time while writing this.. Then I added it begrudgingly because a.) not having any such word would have brought in ambiguity and b.) I could not come up with an alternate word..
      I really appreciate your feedbacks.. Keep ’em coming!

      Cheers!
      Parul

  6. I loved that, Parul. I’ve felt the way the narrator is feeling in the first paragraph before, and there are places in my memories I don’t go anymore because to linger would drown me. Enjoyed your story!

Would love to hear what you have to say about this! :)

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